So recently I’ve been shining some light on Addiction: “the fact or condition of being addicted to a particular substance or activity” Dependency, dependence, craving, habit, weakness, compulsion, fixation, enslavement.
Sounds severe to be addicted to something, yet really I get a feeling if many of us looked a little deeper into ourselves we would be able to identify some form of addictive behaviour patterns. You see more than we think it's a sign of our times. They are conflicting times emotionally, in many ways we are more well off more comfortable, at ease within our life styles than ever. Yet in the same notion we are the most stressed and under the most pressure to keep up. In every way not only with our lives but with our children's lives. The whole energy of this modern world which we have created seems to have spiralled into a state of mania both athletically and practically is there any wonder that one of the first coping mechanisms is ADDICTION……so heres what I feel about it.
There are so many forms of addiction, food, love, sex, porn, shopping, exercise, internet searching, social media, drug, alcohol are the most common. All of them are unconscious traits and in many ways hard to detect, they start of with a simple intrigue and then slowly become a bit more obsessive then there are hard formed habit and before you know it your in a secret love affair it, you cant get enough your ways looking for your next fix a temporary hit to fill you up to get off on feel better some light relief then after awhile the hit wears of and in sets guilt shame less excited feelings and whatever it is that you had be it an expensive purchase, a bar of chocolate a few to many drinks the whole experience has lost its twinkle. That is until the next time we find ourselves with the uncontrollable urge for more and so it goes they cycle of addiction.
I’ve been doing a whole heap of soul searching on myself as I’ve realised more than ever before that I get really easily addicted to all kinds of things. I’ve always know this from a very young age you see I’ve always had a slightly obsessive and rebellious side. I was prob the first of my peers to start smoking at the insanely young age of 10/11 always the most wasted when I went out in my teens, defiantly had the biggest collection of clothes during uni and on and on. So you see I alway knew I had this kind of junkie/addictive side to myself. I remember when I was pregnant with my youngest two my cashmere blanket & baby clothes addiction got a little out of hand and random packages would be arriving in the post from late night spending sprees. It was at this point I decided to take a smart phone break which ended up being 4 years. In later years I’ve realised my addictive nature has kept me hooked on lots of things which well lets say aren’t always that good for me including love, shopping and food.
Last year before Christmas I decided to take a break for a while on shopping, I’d noticed I fallen into some of my old obsessive habits was getting hooked on restocking my cashmere collection a little too much. I started not being able to settle my list of things I felt I needed was constantly being added to. Some intense needy feeling coming up around this process so I decided to stop. I made a choice to take a 4 month break from shopping for clothes for myself. I didn't set a date I had a few things hanging around which I was thinking to send back I decided just to keep them as that is part of the process the backwards and forwards shall I shan't I feelings. So I just stopped right there and now 2 months down the line it feels good. The interesting thing is this, its given me the space to actually understand and begin to resolve some of the deeper things which have been going on the bigger stuff. Its also quite a calming experience there has been less noise of clutter and stuff decisions going on. I feel happier with the things I already have and although I will confess to buying a pair of boots and a handbag in the charity shop for prob a total of £10 combined. I knew when I bought those items that they were 100% fit not just an emotional fix there weren't any feeling of guilt after.
Why bother doing this? Well, for me its about breaking down the dysfunctional links to things. If I'm going to do something, experience something id like it to be coming from a pure place a soul connection rather than an emotional I need this to make me feel better kind of way. When we do things for the joy of the feeling the imprint on ourselves is so much more enjoyable even ecstatic. You see the doing things from an addicted place is much more likely to embed a negative message into ourselves. We know this when the experience slowly turns into a whats the point, guilt or shame feeling. Then there is the effect constant shopping, needing stuff has on our environment and the world not to mention our wallets. The clutter that exists in our homes spilling out onto landfill and the whole world is shameful. Its vital that humans slow down and take stock of their actions for the good of mankind. I can really recommend having a consumer break it's so refreshing and when you do decide to re connect make some purchases it feels like such a treat and a much calmer, clearer centred experience win, win all around. I’m currently loving daydreaming about sequinned jumpsuits and silk summer dresses and getting excited about manifesting some of these pieces into my wardrobe for 2018!
Sending you love xx